“Wrath is cruel; anger is overwhelming. But who can stand before envy?” (Prov. 27:4)
Imagine a room full of toy animals and a small child in the middle happily playing with a black horse. A second child walks into the room. Which toy does the second child want? Right, the black horse. Why is that? Because the first child is already happily playing with it. It’s the model’s desire that makes the toy desirable. Now, before the second child came in, the first child could have happily put the black horse down in order to play with the brown cow, but now he won’t. Why? Because the second child’s desire for the black horse has confirmed and reinforced that this is in fact the best toy. The second child has also become a model, leading to the tug-of-war experienced by every parent in the history of the world—one of the few experiences for which parents are not tempted to envy each other. And this triangular desire is found not only in the hearts of toddlers.
It explains why two roommates will wreck a long friendship competing for the attention of the same girl.
It explains why two co-workers will destroy a long partnership over a big client.
It explains advertising, branding, and the willingness of people to pretend to enjoy things that they hate because someone that they admire enjoys it.
It explains why a king who craves the esteem of his people would try to pin a young hero to the wall because he heard some women sing a song. – 1 Samuel 18
Envy is a corrupted form of imitation in which we move from wanting to be like our model, to competing with our model, to seeking to replace our model. It’s not that we merely want what the model has; we want to be the model. When the second child sees the first child playing, he doesn’t mainly want the toy. He wants the experience of joy that the first child is experiencing. If the first child gave up the black horse and began to play happily with the brown cow, the second child would now crave the brown cow. This is why the envious are so unhappy. The harder they try to compete and the more deeply they lust for the happiness of another, the more it eludes them.
Unmarried folks, when your friend gets a girlfriend or boyfriend, or gets engaged, or gets married, are you genuinely happy for them? Are you filled with gratitude that God has brought them such a wonderful blessing? Or inwardly are you carping about the fact that you’ve been passed by once again?
Young people, how do you respond when your friends and siblings are blessed by God? When they make the team or get an award or have lots of friends, are you happy for them? Do you communicate how excited and proud you are of them when they are blessed by God? Or do you eye them with resentment and displeasure?
Moms, what is your reaction when someone else’s child succeeds? Are you thrilled when someone else’s baby learns to walk before yours or learns to talk before yours? Are you constantly eyeing other moms like Saul eyed David, feeling anger and displeasure when God blesses their parenting? Do you murmur about other mothers behind their backs?
Men, how do you react when someone else gets a promotion at work? If you were the general in Saul’s army replaced by the young shepherd kid from Bethlehem, what would your reaction be? Would you throw your whole weight behind him? Or would you be tempted to undermine his authority and leadership?
Pastors, if another church in your town is fruitful with the gospel, what will you do? Will you grumble about it? Will you be filled with envy because so many people— perhaps even some who used to attend your church—go to that church or listen to that pastor?
Envy follows success with a hungry eye, incessantly asking questions like, “What about me?” or “Why not me?” It can stomach other people’s success to a point, which is why envy co-opts them and invites them into his or her home. But as soon as the newcomer begins to overshadow the host, envy turns like a ravenous wolf and gnaws itself into malice and seeks the ruin of the more successful.
Moreover, envy operates close to home. It attacks our closest relationships first. It makes fellowship thorny, difficult, and sometimes even impossible. We tend to envy those who are close at hand, who are like us, and who care about the same things that we do. Most young pastors don’t envy John Piper or Tim Keller or Al Mohler. While they certainly admire and respect them, we are not grieved by their fruitfulness and success because we put these men in a class of their own. Instead, we envy those whom we regard as our peers, or those a few steps ahead of us. As novelist Joseph Heller put it, “There is no disappointment so numbing . . . as someone no better than you achieving more.”
To be continued…
